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Friday, January 18, 2013

OBAMA TRANSCRIPT FRAGMENT FOUND!!!

At long last, diligent, persistent, death-defying investigative journalism has uncovered a partially burned fragment of a document that experts believe may be part of a transcript from Barack Obama's college years.  No transcript was believed extant prior to this, and the current find has the scholarly world of forensic archaeology, antiquities, and sanitation in an uproar.  Scholars in the latter field have entered the fray because the "Transcriptus Obamicus", as the fragment has come to be called, was found in a burned out 55-gallon garbage barrel behind the DC chapter of the Socialist Bureaucratic Party and Choom Dispensary.

Alleged transcript fragment
While there are conflicting stories about exactly how the fragment was discovered, images of it that were circulated for the purpose of scholarly translation soon went viral.  The SBPCD initially filed suit claiming that the fragment was theirs and were seeking damages, but the case was dismissed.  Ownership has been determined to be in the public domain.

What is of greater interest is the document itself.  Forensic analysis found that there are two types of smoke residue on the paper, one that came from the burning of the paper itself, and an unidentified smoke residue from another substance.  A smear of ash seems to indicate that the paper came into contact with a sample of the other substance, but there has been no independent confirmation of this.

Part of the writing has been lost due to burning and weather degredation, most notably any grades that may have been originally included.  What appears to be legible are either schools or courses or both.  So far scholars are mostly agreed on the following translations:

Courses in Joseph Stalin School of Public Administration
  • Chamberlainesque Appeasement I and II
  • Social Foundations:  Marx and Lenin I and II
  • Criminal Justice of Pol Pot [not to be confused with an elective listed below]
  • Mao Tse-Tung [now, Zedong] Public Planning
  • Noriegan Theories of Pharmaceutical Distribution I and II
  • Governing by decree: The Use of Executive Orders
  • Colonialism...[text unreadable]
Idi Amin International Institute of Leadership
  • Public Communication Techniques of Stalin
  • Use of Hitlerian Theory to Maintain Public Order I
  • Leadership in Creating Public Emergencies
  • The Use of Children in Public Communication
Electives
  • Marx Brothers Humor (fragment indicates withdrawal on the 2nd day of class)
  • Pot Taxonomy In Family Rosaceae (a biology course retaken several times)
  • Magicians:  How They Deceive The Public
 More work continues in an effort to understand this historical document.  Alongside of this is the continuing search for more documents.  We here at Conservative Observer AZ will keep you up on the latest!


Tags: Obama transcript, Obama college transcripts.  Please mention / link to the Conservative Observer AZ. Thanks!

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